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九型人格 亲子完全版(下)

作者:李静.Sarah࿆
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发布于:2018-01-13 18:40

作者:李静    九型网特聘高级性格研究员

来源:小兔讲九型,转载请申请公众号授权!


(接上篇)

家长对孩子有哪些期待:


一号家长:

也许会要求孩子自我掌控,理智,规范,以及不要急于自夸——他们的孩子可能会成为小大人。



图中对话:

“除了一些规则,一点点自律,公平的评判,还有热水澡,其他的都不行!”

“我一辈子都要不停地被纠正吗?”



二号家长:

也许会要求孩子慷慨,体贴,助人,关注他人——他们的孩子可能会成为小助手。



图中对话:

“我太爱我的宝宝了,我要为他付出一切!一切!”

“妈?妈?我不能呼吸了!你这样让我窒息......”



三号家长:

也许会要求孩子杰出地完成任务,实现家人的期望,物质层面的完美,受欢迎——他们的孩子是小明星。



图中对话:

“再见,亲爱的!(今日清单,商务早餐,会议,约会...)”

“好吧...至少我把这些事列在清单上了。”



四号家长:

也许会要求孩子具有敏感性,艺术的创造力,情感的深度,理解——他们的孩子是小治疗师。



图中对话:

“吃麦当劳可没门儿。”



也许会要求孩子独立,好学,智力上的天赋,好奇心——他们的孩子可以是小天才。



图中对话:

“哦,天哪,我什么时候才能告诉他,科学让我想吐,但是我踢足球很厉害?”




六号家长:
也许会要求孩子乖巧,服从,坚持,可靠——他们的孩子会是老练的小演员。



图中对话:

“妈...这只是一根火柴!”



也许会要求孩子活力,良好的幽默感,弹性,自然——他们的孩子是小娱乐家。



图中对话:

“我知道他是个酷爸,但我真的需要准备考试啊。”



也许会要求孩子坚韧,自给自足,勇气,意志力——他们的孩子是小企业家。



图中对话:

“啊。我这一生都要努力向我爸证明,我够强大够顽强,不是吗?”



也许会要求孩子安静,缺乏需求,温和,不索取——他们的孩子是小天使。



呃….九号家长这张图没有对话……



在教育孩子的过程中,只有一件事是确定的:孩子会以出乎你预料的方式发展。


因此,家长最好观察孩子的类型(它的与生俱来的天赋与能力),引发孩子所属类型的最佳面向,而不是把他/她改变成与自己真实样子完全不同的人。



附英文原文:

Ennegramand Parenthood


Learning the Enneagram encouragesparents to embrace their child’s unique personality. Otherwise some will pushtheir children to be replicas of themselves.


What needs to be said right away inany discussion of parenting is that parents do not create a child'spersonality type. All Enneagram teachers and researchers agree thatpersonality type is built on temperament and that, in ways we do not fullyunderstand, this is inborn. A child comes into the world with his or herpersonality type already determined by prenatal events, although we do not knowwhat all of these are. There are theories that type is determined by genetics,by in utero events, by the emotional state of the mother, or even bypast lives and the need for a soul to be a certain type to learn the lessons ofthat type. But the truth is, we really do not know all of the causes of type.


This is not to say that earlyfamily conditions and parental influences are not important: far from it. Whilethey do not cause type, they highly influence how emotionally healthy orunhealthy a child becomes. A child who is fortunate enough to be born into afamily of well-balanced parents will start life as a relatively healthy exampleof his or her type. Conversely, a child who is born into a relativelydysfunctional family will have to close down his natural openness, spontaneity,and vitality and need to erect defenses against the various forms of violationthat exist in the family. In the authors' terms, one child will be at ahealthier Level of Development, while the second child will grow up at asubstantially lower, unhealthier, Level. Hence, the second child will have moreemotional challenges than the first child.


In short, parenting does count—notto produce a personality type, but to influence how healthy a child of thattype will be. It is therefore not difficult to see that when parents work onthemselves through psychospiritual tools such as the Enneagram, they are notonly doing something good for themselves, they are making possible one of thegreatest gifts they could give their children—an emotionally healthy childhoodand a happier future.Parents who help their child develop self- esteem,emotional stability, open curiosity, trust in self, an enjoyment of life,strength and self-confidence, easiness with themselves, the ability to regulatethemselves, and empathy for self and others (qualities found in the nine types)set the stage for the development of all of their child's potentials and futureaccomplishments.


One of the most useful areas forparents to become aware of is thedifferences offitbetween themselves and their children. Not every child will be an easy fit forevery parent. If two parents are highly energetic, sociable, and extroverted,and their child is quiet, serious, and reserved, the fit between the parentsand the child can become strained. The child may unconsciously feel that he orshe is a disappointment to the parents, which can cause serious emotionaldifficulties for the child. The parents might try to manipulate or pressure thechild to be more like them. Or they might feel guilty or inadequate for notunderstanding their child—or even for not completely liking and enjoying theirchild.


Differences of fit between parentsand children can become more clearly understood with the Enneagram. This is notto say that understanding alone will be enough to undo any potential problems.But without insight and understanding there can be no solution to problems.Above all, parents need to see their children not as their possessions to bemolded according to their own emotional needs but as independent beings whohave their own value and are worthy of being treated with dignity and respect.


The following chart indicates a fewof the major expectations of each type of parent toward their children, nomatter what type their children may actually be. Being aware of theseunconscious expectations and not allowing yourself to manipulate your childreninto having to measure up to them will go a long way toward improving parent-childrelationships.


What Parents Expect from TheirChildren


Type One

May demand self-control,reasonableness, regularity, and the ability to delay rewards—that their childbe a Little Adult


Type Two

May demand generosity,thoughtfulness, helpfulness, and attention to others—that their child be aLittle Helper


Type Three

May demand being outstanding attasks, fulfilling family hopes, physical perfection, and popularity—that theirchild be a Little Star


Type Four

May demand sensitivity, artistic creativity,emotional depth, and understanding—that their child be a Little Therapist


Type Five

May demand independence,studiousness, intellectual gifts, and curiosity—that their child be a LittleGenius


Type Six

May demand dependability,obedience, perseverance, and trustworthiness—that their child be a LittleTrouper


Type Seven

May demand vitality, good humor,resilience, and spontaneity—that their child be a Little Entertainer


Type Eight

May demand toughness,self-sufficiency, courage, and willpower—that their child be a LittleEntrepreneur


Type Nine

May demand quietness, lack ofdemands, gentleness, and non-needinesss—that their child be a Little Angel


One of the best attitudes forparents to have toward their children is an amazed curiosity to support thechild's own unfolding. In childrearing, only one thing is certain: childrenwill develop in unexpected ways. If parents try to block the child's naturalunfolding, they will not succeed. The unfolding will not stop but merely becomedistorted and neurotic. It is therefore always best for the parent to observethe child's type (with its innate gifts and capacities) and to elicit thebest aspects of the child's type rather than try to change him or her intosomeone fundamentally different from who he or she already is.

-END-


作者简介:

李静 ,九型人格全球学会EPTP高级督导,九型人格全球学会EPTP认证导师,中国教练师协会九型人格研究会秘书长,九型小兔特约撰稿人,中国九型人格网特聘高级性格研究员。



李静.Sarah࿆

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